I am struggling this week.
Behind on laundry.
Exhausted from my busy, always moving, always chasing somebody days.
Overwhelmed with finding time and energy to plan Austin's school activities and crafts.
Forgetting to make my big boy finish all of his homework.
Too worn out to go to soccer practice.
Stressed about Terrell having to be away for like half of the Fall season.
I'm physically tired, mentally tired, and even a little emotionally tired.
(Trying to figure out when to take care of everything with the house in Covington with NO time being convenient... and trying to plan a visit to the pumpkin patch and make some other fun plans for us as a family while Terrell is home and in town for a limited amount of days is stressful and draining.)
I know in the grand scheme of things it isn't that bad. Deep down I know this. Not even deep down really, I actually know it pretty front and center. I'm just feeling it catching up to me now and not handling it so well.
Welcome to my pity party.
Everything just seems to be piling up this week and I'm finally caving under the pressure. It seems to happen every single time I have a lot going on at once. As confident as I feel multi-tasking here at home during the day on a regular day (which is when I'm totally in my groove), add 10 more things to my regular responsibility load and all of a sudden I'm overwhelmed and worn out and stressed out and just can't seem to get it together. Ugh. This is one of my least favorite qualities about myself. Because as much as I want to head off the overwhelmedness and stress and possible meltdown due to all of the above that's about to take place, I just can't seem to do it. Somehow it always seems to get the best of me. Boo.
I think this week I've actually had some "working mom" issues going on. Because even though I'm in my own home, I'm working and busy and constantly moving and have very full days. While being a SAHM is definitely work and almost always busy, it's something I'm totally accustomed to and comfortable with and *usually* at my best doing. Adding a sweet baby girl to the mix however has been keeping me on my toes, giving me a workout, and wearing me out. (I do love my job though and I'm sooo thankful for the opportunity to work... especially when it involves such a sweet baby.)
Then there's the fact that because I'm "working" I'm falling down on some of my other jobs. Like homework coach/assistant, soccer mom, laundry queen, etc. Oh the guilt.
Then there's the issue of all of Terrell's upcoming trainings and meetings and overnight trips. They are numerous and they are coming fast and furious. They start next week and wrap up the week before Thanksgiving. Then he'll have more after the first of the year before he's finally finished. And just call me spoiled because I am NOT used to daddy being away. We tag team everything around here and to say I'm a little nervous about him being away several nights both this month and next would probably be an understatement. I live with wild little boys 5 and under remember? And I'm already getting myself worked up about how I can't feed them fast food every night daddy is away and how the TV can't be own 24-7 the whole time because that combo is just crazy unhealthy. How will we ever manage and survive it all?
Just kidding. I know we'll be fine and I know I'll have help and I know we'll survive. It's just going to be different and overwhelming and exhausting I'm sure. Military wives and single moms amaze me.
Then there's just being plain tired. New job tired. Busy family of 5 tired. Giving myself anxiety over stuff tired.
So that's what I'm struggling with on this lovely Wednesday. I know everything will work out and eventually I'll get back in my groove and feel more together about everything. And I'm going to pray that happens sooner rather than later. Fall Break is next week so that should really help... at least until Terrell has to go out of town. It will still be really nice to just plan some fun outings for my boys and sleep a little later and not have to worry about homework or lunches. And the Fall is my favorite season so there's no time to be down or stressed, I must get it together and make the most of it! I will snap out of this pity party. I'm determined to. Blogging helped, now I've just got to set my mind to positive thinking, enjoying my family and my days, and REST.