Harder than I Thought

This weekend was a whirlwind of busyness, hard work, success, and goodbyes. We accomplished our goal of a HUGE yard sale before moving, we cleaned out and got rid of lots of stuff, we cleaned and straightened our whole house so it will be picture perfect and ready to list, and we said goodbye to lots of friends at church. It was definitely a whirlwind. And this morning arrived and I realized that moving away, and all the changes and challenges that go along with it, is going to be harder than I thought. Gulp.

We have wanted this and prayed for this for years. We have longed for "home". We have struggled with living away from our families. We have struggled with having to travel and spend the night for any and everything you can think of. We have struggled with not having help and baby-sitters nearby. We have complained. We have argued. We have stressed.

And now it's here. We've had our huge yard sale. We've cleaned the house to make it picture perfect and ready to list. We've found a rental house. And we're starting the process of packing up. We are finally doing this. This major life changing thing we've been waiting on for so long.

And we are excited. We can't wait to be there.... with family, with friends, with our church, with the school our babies will attend.

And we are grateful. God continues to amaze us with His faithfulness, timing, and provisions. Terrell's new job is going great and has totally exceeded our expectations. Garrison will be able to start Kindergarten in Barnesville. YAAAY!! We're able to rent a home there before we even sell our house here. We're going to spend birthdays, Buggy Days, holidays, and family gatherings at home! We're going to raise our boys surrounded by family and our village. I could cry I'm so thankful.

But there's also a big part of this move that's going to be hard. Way harder than I thought.

I knew the packing up part would be a challenge (but even that's going to be harder than I thought). I knew it'd be bittersweet saying goodbye to friends here (and I almost cried yesterday as our Sunday School teacher here in Covington prayed a sweet, special prayer for us as we move... that we'd be a light for Jesus and a blessing to friends, family, neighbors, and strangers in Barnesville.) I even suspected that as much as we wanted this, it'd be kind of sad to leave this house. This house we've called home for 7 years.

What I never considered was how HARD it'd be moving into a house that won't be home. At first I was thrilled with renting because I knew it meant we would be able to go ahead and move and the sacrifice would be TOTALLY worth it. We've waited for this move, we aren't attached to anything here, we were ready. Oh, we're just going to have to downsize and adjust a little but it's temporary. We'll be fine. We can do this! I can't wait! My positive attitude overfloweth!

But now it's becoming real. For REAL. We'll be living in a smaller, older home. I will be spending my days, all day, in a much different home. A home that won't hold all our furniture and things and toys and dishes and decorations. A home that is temporary and small and not ours. A home that I'm afraid won't feel like home at all. And that's uncomfortable. And hard. I almost started crying when I realized there's no where to hang up stockings in the rental house. The house we'll more than likely be living in when we wake up in our own house on Christmas morning for the first time ever. I also started panicking when it occurred to me how much isn't going to fit in the house. Pieces of furniture. Special things that belong to the boys. Not even all my pots and pans. Boohoo!! I've just got this knot in my stomach because all of a sudden it's hit me that this move to this particular rental house will be a significant change for all of us.

Don't get me wrong, I know these things are small in the grand scheme of things. I am thankful we'll have a home to live in and that our family of 5 will experience this change and transition together. Because I know in my heart that where my family is, is home. It doesn't matter if the house is small or old or different, if we're there together, we're home. I know this. And I am especially thankful we are able to move in a few short weeks and rent before selling our house. My biggest will start Kindergarten there. We'll experience some upcoming "biggies" there right away like Austin's 3rd birthday and Buggy Days. I am thankful for ALL these things. But the reality of day to day life (and special holidays) are still tough in a place that's different. Cabinet space, closet space, bathroom space, house SPACE is all different from what we're accustomed to. And that's hard. And causing me just a little anxiety because I wasn't expecting it to be hard. I'm not sure where my overflowing positive attitude went. But I must find it. I must. For my kids who will be experiencing something big like this for the first time ever, and for my husband who has to live with me and listen to me and deal with me. I must make the best of the rental house and all the changes that will come with it. It is temporary and it is a good thing. We will adjust and make the best of it and start the search for our "forever home" as soon as possible... and our house sells. =)

But first things first. First, we have to list our house and start packing right away. Which is happening, like tomorrow. Then we have to sign a lease and officially register my big boy for Kindergarten. We have to move a few things little by little and start making progress. We have to keep packing. We have to go on our summer vacation. We have to leave our house spotless for our week away. We have to return home to more packing. Hard core packing up and only leaving the bare esstentials unpacked. And then, we move. We start a new journey in one of our most favorite places with our most favorite people. So excited, so blessed.

Even though the journey starts in a small rental house that may not feel like home and that may make this move harder than I'd thought it'd be, it's beginning, there. Our new life in the hometown. And that makes it special... and helps my positive attitude return.