What I've Learned...

There have a been a ton of great posts on marriage lately. Almost everybody is writing one. And they're so good. And true. And encouraging. And make you feel normal. So I had to join in. I needed my writing fix and figured I'm jump on the "marriage blog post" bandwagon.

I am definitely no expert. I am selfish. We fight. Things aren't always wonderful. But here's a list of some of the things I've learned after 7.5 years of marriage that have definitely made a difference:

*Compromise is KEY. This became apparent right from the start with us and is still so true to this day. Sharing your life with another person who has different habits and opinions and preferences than you means you will have to compromise. Regularly. Oh my was this a toughie for me. Sometimes it still is. Everybody wants their own way, right?? I think my husband would say we've both gotten better at the art of compromising over the years. And only by God's grace. 

*Being a team is important. Marriage is about being teammates and facing everything together. On the same side. It's about sharing responsibilities. Sharing a home. Sharing money and bills. Sharing material things. Sharing feelings. It's just a whole lot of sharing. And things work so much smoother when you're doing it together as a team. Terrell and I have gotten into the habit of high fiving or fist pumping and saying Team Selph! after tackling something tough together... a wild and crazy bath and bedtime, a hectic shopping outing, getting out of the house in record time on school days. It's corny but it's our thing and we always feel proud after accomplishing something "tough" together. I love my teammate and sharing life with him.

*There will be ups and downs. Marriages have ups and downs. It's just a fact. You don't feel "in love" every single day. (And after dating for 5.5 years before getting married this wasn't a shocker for us.) There are even some days (or parts of days) you don't even really like each other. Some days you're more like roommates. Some days you're madly in love. Making each other a priority and simply making an effort get you through the ups and downs.

*Communicate Often. You can't read each other's minds. I am STILL learning this.

*Speak One Another's Love Language. This goes a long way in having a happy marriage.

*Compliments are Important. Whether "words of affirmation" is your love language or not everybody needs to hear they're appreciated, loved, supported, attractive, etc. Not just wives... husbands too.

*Keep Christ at the Center. Sometimes this is the easiest and most natural thing to do. Other times it's forgotten. And sometimes it's just tough. Seek Him regularly. Rely on Him daily. Pray for each other. Pray with each other. Seek His will for your marriage and relationship.

*Make each other a priority. Life is full of busyness, problems, careers, children, each other's families, commitments, etc, but in the midst of everything try your hardest to prioritize each other. We've found we have to be very intentional about setting aside time to hang out. Go out. Talk. Watch TV together. It's crazy but you can both get lost in the busyness and craziness of everyday life if you're not careful.

*Make laughing together a regular thing. One of my favorite bloggers recently wrote that she thinks "sense of humor ranks in the top 3 important things in marriage". It may or may not be in the top 3 but it is definitely important (at least in my opinion). Laughing together keeps you best friends. Laughing together makes you feel better. Laughing together means you have fun together. Laughing together makes hard days easier. I am so thankful I have a husband who makes me laugh all the time... and who laughs with me and sometimes at me regularly. =)

And just in case you're interested... here are just a few of the great and honest posts on marriage I've read lately:

marriage is work. and work is worship.

Clinging

Nagging vs. Communicating