The Verdict Is In...

My oldest baby has the flu. Even though he had a flu shot. And even though he just finished antibiotics for strep. The good news is that it barely showed up when they tested him so it appears to be a mild case. The bad news is it's still the flu. And he feels terrible.

What a wild and crazy and sick two weeks we've had!

Today he seems to be a little better. But then again he always seems a tad better until the medicine wears off and the fever and headache and total feeling of being miserable returns. I've been waiting on him, bringing him juice, carrying him around the house, covering him up with a blanket, turning on movies and shows for him (the child has watched more TV in the past 2 weeks than in the past 6 months), and just trying to keep him comfortable. But there are still times I feel helpless. Bless his heart. It hasn't been fun. Strep and the flu back to back. How did that happen? Yuck. Poor baby is even starting to lose weight since he hasn't had an appetite for so long. At this point we want him hydrated not necessarily full so it's nothing to worry about according to the doctor.

Since I started working we've been more sick than ever before. It's crazy. Like some sort of conspiracy to keep me from working. Garrison has been to school 1 day since Thanksgiving break and I've been 2 days. That's it. Of course I always want to be home when my babies are because they come first. No question. And I'd much rather be taking care of them when they're sick than someone else. It broke my heart when Terrell had to take Garrison to work on Monday and I heard he fell asleep on his office floor. So sad. But, it's hard when I feel like I'm not doing my job because I'm not at work. I feel like I'm letting down my co-teacher and my little students and my director. Ugh. I feel guilty about being away from school and then I feel guilty about feeling guilty about school when Garrison (or Austin) always comes first. Always. Then I feel sorry for myself because I start thinking that me working is the problem and clearly I should be staying home full-time. It's such a vicious cycle.

This week I've had to make a real effort to keep it together. It's been tempting to fall apart. Seeing my baby sick has been tough. Having to miss work again has been tough. Being stuck in the house so much has been tough. Things have sort of been an emotional roller coaster for me. So when I say I've had to make a real effort to not lose it, I mean a real effort. Now, I've had moments of shedding tears... but it's never led to an ugly cry or ugly meltdown. And I've kind of surprised myself. I'm not the best at keeping it together during trying times. When the going gets tough, Meggie gets emotional and dramatic. Sad but true. But this time around I've tried really hard to focus on the positive. It's taken being very intentional but it's made a difference. I can tell I'm not letting myself drown or wallow in negativity or self-pity. And it's been nice to not wallow. 

Here's the positive about this week...

*I've been able to take care of Garrison at home since Monday afternoon.
*He doesn't have a bad case of the flu. It could be worse. Since he had the flu shot his symptons should be/have been less and so should the duration.
*I've been able to take off work because my director is understanding, my preschool is family first, and we can afford it.
*I haven't had to arrange/write/come up with any sub plans.
*I've had extra time with both boys this week.
*We've been able to enjoy our Christmas tree and decorations a lot being home all week.
*I've been able to start wrapping presents.
*I have a wonderful husband who is an amazing daddy who has gone above and beyond this week.
*It looks like the worst is behind us!

Despite a crazy, sick, tiring, stressful week so far, we've had a lot of positive and a lot to be thankful for. God is faithful (and patient!) and I am so grateful His mercies are new every morning. We're looking forward to putting all this crud behind us soon and getting back to normal. (Feels like I just said that...) We have a fun weekend planned and we're shooting for being at school again on Friday. Praying it all works out... and my baby gets better... and everyone else stays healthy! Sigh.