Hanging On

Life feels so crazy right now that there are times I think I'm losing it. My sanity that is. I'm barely hanging on ya'll. What is it about this summer? I feel like every time I turn around the circus has returned and life is upside down.... again. There is SO much going on around here it makes my head spin to think about it. I'm trying to hold it together and to remain grateful and to keep a positive attitude and to keep my focus on Him, but I'm always falling short it seems. Everyday I'm on the verge of a meltdown. I've even had a hard time getting my mind to slow down so I can fall back asleep if one of the boys makes a noise or does something to wake me up in the middle of the night.

Goodness. That makes it sound like things are terrible around here.

*Disclaimer: Things are NOT terrible around here.

Life is just super busy and super crazy and we have a TON of stuff going on right now. And we all know that I don't handle a TON of stuff going on at the same time very well. I guess you could say that I'm sort of easily overwhelmed. I don't like being that way, but unfortunately I do struggle with it. And I'm not complaining, because as I've said before, at the root of all the craziness is an abundance of blessings that I am so, SO grateful for. But, I want to be honest and transparent... and use writing as a release before I really do lose it.

Starting last week and wrapping up near the end of the month, I will see my children less than I ever have in their entire lives. Our family of 4 will be together less than we ever have since Austin made us a family of 4. And it's taking a toll on me. Big time.

The calendar on our refrigerator displays that during this 3 week span that we're right in the middle of, we have a total of 6 normal days in which I'm home with the boys during the day and we're together as a family in the evenings, and this also includes weekends. 6 days! I'm used to having 6 days in one week (most weeks), much less 3 weeks! Between Premier shows and training, preschool trainings and meetings, and a few other appointments thrown in, I am BUSY. And overwhelmed. And tired. And coming down with something I'm afraid. Ugh.

We're using/needing baby-sitters a ton it feels like, and our evenings together at home are extremely few and far between. On top of being overwhelmed about everything, I'm also feeling really sad about it. These are our last weeks of summer and instead of lots of family time and together time, we're having lots of time apart and being pulled in different directions. And I think that's the main thing I'm not handling so well. While my to-do list feels a mile long, I'd like to think I'd be fine as long as our family life wasn't so crazy in the midst of it.

I could get real emotional about it if I let myself dwell on the upcoming school year and going back to work and how much I'll be away from my boys after staying home with them every single day. I'm excited about this opportunity and already love the school and the girls I'll be working with, but it's going to be tough. It'll be a big adjustment for all of us. For me personally, going to work isn't a break. Naptime is a break. Going on a date with my husband is a break. Going out with girlfriends I haven't seen in forever is a break. (And there are a couple of those mixed in during this stretch of craziness... which I'm really looking forward to.... but the timing still kind of stinks.) But for me, returning to work is a little stressful and scary. Definitely not a break or "me time".  And I just want some time to enjoy my family before we face the school year and lots of changes!!! (That was me venting. Haha.)

The good news is that it looks like things may slow down and return to normal the week before my pre-planning. Pleeease let it be so. We are going to pray hard that that's a fun but relaxing week for all of us. The bad news is that until then, I'll be barely hanging on while trying my hardest not to lose my mind, completely stress out, or turn into an emotional wreck. Oh. My.