And let's just say I haven't been handling all the craziness very well. In the midst of the gazillion things we have going on, instead of rising to the challenge and "stepping up", I've been stressed and overwhelmed and struggling to keep it together- with some pouting and feeling sorry for myself mixed in. Being a grown up is hard. And right about now, I'm wishing I was better at it.
Between Premier shows/invitations/jewelry orders/hostess packets, Terrell's back issues/doctor's appointments/baby-sitting needs, Garrison's sometimes bad behavior/issues with Austin (a whole other post), 10 different appointments coming up this summer, preparing for my new job and taking care of more baby-sitting needs for my trainings this summer and pre-planning before school actually starts, searching for the time to shop for Father's Day gifts/making it somewhat of a special day for my husband/dividing time between our families, getting stuff done and taken care of and packed up for vacation in less than 2 weeks, and being crazy busy trying to keep up with my boys and the responsibilites of our home... my sanity might be hanging by a thread. And my poor husband has to live with me! And be my sounding board. Bless him.
I feel behind on everything.... Father's Day, Premier, laundry, vacation stuff, our original summer calendar, "me" time, haha. And I do not like being behind. I like staying ahead and getting things done waaay before the last minute. When it comes to just about anything, I'm the opposite of a procrastinator. So in addition to things being crazy around here, I've been a little crazy myself. And occasionally emotional. But mostly just crazy. My husband can confirm.
Maybe it's the age of my kids, or the fact that I'm used to a slower pace and much more predictable routine, OR the fact that I just don't handle having 50 things going on at once very well, but the past week and a half have made me question my parenting, my ability to keep our househould running smoothly, my patience, my multi-tasking skills, my role as a wife, and so on, and so on...
At least my hair dresser/stylist told me yesterday she knew it wasn't easy to be in my shoes but that it would get easier with time. And I didn't even share half of the craziness with her! But that one little line made me feel better and like maybe I wasn't losing my mind afterall. She also told me I would blink and my babies would be entering their senior year in high school just like her baby. The days are long but the years are short. I have to keep remembering that.
I feel terrible complaining. I feel guilty for venting. I just feel terribly guilty on top of it all. Like I have no right. Because at the root of all the craziness and busyness that's causing me to feel uptight and tense and anxious, is blessings. An abudance of blessings.
I am blessed that I have 2 sweet boys on my hands 24-7. Beyond blessed that they are healthy and busy and smart and into everything.
I am blessed that I have a lot going on in Premier right now because it means that I'm providing a little income for our family. And I'm super blessed that I'm able to do most of my work from home.
I am blessed to be celebrating Father's Day with several amazing fathers this weekend. My boys are surrounded by loving, hard working, Christian "dads" in their life. Our weekend will be busy and will make me long to live in Barnesville, but more than anything it will be fun and special.
I am blessed to be preparing for a week long vacation to the beach soon. It won't be easy preparing for the trip but it will be SO worth it to spend a week away with my family hanging out at the beach, playing in the ocean, and providing fun new memories and experiences for my babies.
I am blessed to be starting my dream job in August. Teaching preschool 3 days a week was kind of always my future dream job. I didn't know it would come with my babies so young or that it would include having another job at the same time with Premier, but it is still an answered prayer. My boys will be with me and it will be fun, laid back, and part time. (Key words.)
I am blessed to have parents, a sister, and in-laws who make life easier for us. They baby-sit when we need them, they help me out at hair and picture appointments with the boys, they fold our laundry and clean our stove (thanks mama!), they trim our big ole trees to get them off the house, and they even hire someone to finish painting the rest of our house because we won't be able to anytime soon. They've set the bar high and we are so blessed to have them.
I am blessed that I have an amazing husband who does rise to the challenge and definitely steps up when I need him most. You are awesome, Terrell Selph. Even if you don't know what to say to me anymore when I vent and complain.
While I'm still a tad overwhelmed and things are still kinda crazy here, lately I've been reminded of how truly blessed I am. A LOT. And sometimes that fact makes me feel worse because the guilt starts flooding in. But more than anything it makes me feel grateful and convicted and reminded to give thanks in everything, praise Him in everything, and to rely on Him in everything.
God hasn't changed or moved even though I feel like I'm spinning out of control sometimes. He's always been faithful. So because I know I'm blessed and because I know that He's with me even when I'm struggling to keep it together and multi-task and on the verge of losing it, I'm praying I'll learn to embrace the craziness ahead of me instead of dreading it or stressing over it or being overwhelmed because of it. Most of all I want to remain grateful and to have a better attitude. I'm sure my husband will second that. =)
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
all I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
No comments:
Post a Comment