Convicted of Lately...

Where do I start?

It appears God has been working on me lately. It's not exactly fun or easy to feel convicted... or get my toes stepped on... or my least favorite, to have to change my ways, but it's usually (okay, always) necessary and good and best.

I read something over a month ago (from another blog) that keeps creeping back up and continues to serve as a reminder and a wake up call every single time I've got it backwards.

If you are talking/thinking about it more than you are praying about it, things are out of order.

I am SO guilty of this. I'd like to think of myself as a prayer warrior. I pray often and I pray hard. I especially pray for other people who have big needs. And us when we have big needs. I especially pray for/about people and issues that are on my mind a lot. BUT, I also talk about it. With Terrell. With my mom. With my sister. On this blog. And I also analyze. And mull it over. And try to make sense of it. And try to get to the bottom of it. And I also seek advice. Mainly from those mentioned above, plus other family and friends. And let's not forget that I like to read about it (hence the parenting book I'm getting soon). And sometimes I am talking and thinking and analyzing and seeking advice and reading a whole lot more than I am praying. And going to the One who has the answer. The solution. The wisdom I crave. Ahhhh. I am working on getting it right. On talking a little less and praying a little more. On taking my worries and concerns and needs and frustrations to God first. Sadly it's not always my first reaction or instinct, but I'm working on it.

Time for another conviction. Since Austin was born I've enjoyed catching up on my DVR'd shows while I feed him. (As long as Garrison is napping or isn't awake yet in the morning.) It's a good time for me to watch some of my shows that Terrell doesn't really care for or like to watch with me. Like Dancing with the Stars and Guiliana and Bill and The Pioneer Woman's cooking show to name a few. But sometimes when Austin finishes eating and is really content and the episode is almost over (or not even close to being over), or it's not time for a commercial yet, I keep watching. And this didn't really bother me when Austin was a teeny tiny baby... but now it's starting to. I'm feeling convicted and like I need to turn it off immediately so I can focus my full attention on him and play with him and interact with him. Sometimes I turn it off as soon as a commercial comes on... but sometimes I don't. Sometimes he plays while I watch and pretend I'm playing with him too. Gulp. As I write about it it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. But in the moment, I feel guilty. This time is precious. It goes by fast. I'll never get it back. And come August, I'll be away from him for 4 hours a day, 3 days a week. (I know some of you think I'm being ridiculous.) But it is a big deal and one I need to address.

I also have some trouble with my computer time... writing, reading blogs, checking facebook, checking emails, etc. I try really hard not to let it interfere with my time with the boys, but sometimes it just does. Which I think is okay, as long as it's rare, but I still need to keep a really close eye on it. I need to be available to them while they're awake and play with them and take them places and provide them with fun experiences. Not every second has to revolve around them, and it is important to me that they learn to play independently and be patient and wait on mama to finish what she's doing, BUT, I have to keep my priorities in check. Blogging or facebook or emails should never come before my babies. Ever.

(Then I read this post and told Terrell we should never have Internet on our phones even when we can afford it and justify the amount of our cell phone bill. Because I'm addicted enough to the technology I already have sitting in our office. I don't need it readily available every second of the day. I'm thinking Hands Free Mama should be added to my blog roll.)

The other thing I've been convicted of lately is related to going back to work... some people wouldn't call it that since I'll technically be in the same location as my babies and only working part time, but it's a huge deal to me and our family... and I have a lot to say on the matter. So I think I'll save all that for another post. =)