Behavior Intervention

This little man has been giving us a run for our money lately. I am spent. Plus a little frustarted and discouraged. Boy does he keep me on my knees seeking wisdom and patience on a regular basis. It's not that he's terrible or bad or misbehaving every minute of the day, or even half of all the minutes in the day, let's just say we've just reached some stalemates. A power struggle maybe? A battle of wills possibly? A 3 year old testing his limits? Probably. (That has to be it, right? Except I thought we already went through the testing of the limits at age 2.) Little to no progress with ongoing issues that are making mama and daddy analyze, question, lose their patience, and go crazy? Most definitely.

My sweet, precious firstborn who is SO loving, gentle, and kind most of the time, is struggling with a few issues lately. Or maybe we're the ones struggling since we haven't been able to make much progress. Or maybe we're the ones with the issues. Oh dear. At this point I'm not sure what the problem is or even whose problem it is, much less how to fix it.

(Which is why I'm definitely investing in a good parenting book. Because I'm convinced, based on reviews of course, that some of these authors truly have the potential to solve all of our issues and afterwards we'll live in perfect peace... and respect and manners and obedience the rest of our days. Just kidding. But I do think they have the potential to make a difference and help us make a little progress. Progress. That's all we're praying for, hoping for, and striving for. Not perfection, just progress. Sigh.)

So we've decided to try something new. Because there's a saying about how doing the same thing and expecting different results is crazy... so we changed things up and started something new and different this week. Insert a behavior/reward chart. Before you judge and think to yourself that we shouldn't be "rewarding" good behavior because good behavior should come from your heart and your conscience, not motivation to go play at Chick-Fiil-A or eat a popsicle, we truly have good intentions and a method to our madness. And, it's not all about the reward(s).

For us, at this point in time it's about focusing on the positive more than the negative. Because there are definitely days when the "negative" seems to win out and I feel like I'm spending a whole bunch of time correcting and giving talking's to and putting him in time out and feeling disappointed (in both of us).

It's also about celebrating the "successes" and doing the right thing... and sharing even though it's tough sometimes, and listening and obeying the first time you're told even though it means your play time is interrupted, and being polite and using a "kind voice" even though you're upset or in a bad mood, and telling the truth even though it's hard. Whoa, I think that was a run -on sentence. But anyway, you get the jist. These are the issues we've reached a stalemate on. There's been very little progress for weeks, possibly months when it comes to these issues. And at times it means he's getting a lot of negative attention. We're working hard to be consistent. We're working hard to follow through with consequences. We're working hard on teachable moments and trying to get to the heart of the matter. Without much success. Which is disheartening.

Soooo, we decided we want a parenting book, haha... and we want to draw attention to the good... and the true and right and admirable. We don't want negative attention to be the primary way you get attention at our house. Our goal is to make sure that good and positive attention are at the forefront. Again, insert our little behavior chart.

Today is Tuesday and we just started yesterday morning, so so far we're all getting the hang of it. The way our little chart works is that he gets a sticker every time he:

*obeys or does what he's told/asked to do the first time (I can't tell you how frustrated I was becoming having to repeat myself over and over and over again.)
*uses a "kind voice" in a "difficult" situation (little man has unfortunately developed an attitude and disrepectful tone recently)
*is polite and uses good manners (which sort of goes with having a kind voice but is mainly for things like speaking when a grown-up speaks to you and remembering to say please, thank you, yes mam, yes sir, etc.)
*is honest and tells the truth (still working on this and trying to help him understand why it's important to be honest)
*shares with Austin (sometimes this isn't an issue at all because he'll willingly let Austin play with all of his toys. But sometimes he's super possessive and ugly about Austin not touching any of his toys. Guess he just feels more generous some days.)

After he fills up a row of stickers (7 to be exact) he gets to pick a reward and can choose from the following list:

*popsicle
*extra book at bedtime or naptime
*Chick-Fil-A playground
*bubble bath
*Chuck E. Cheese
*a dollar to spend at the dollar section at Target

All of these things are a big deal to Garrison so he's pretty excited about getting to pick one out soon. Once he chooses a reward we're going to erase it from the list so he can't pick the same thing over and over again. Then I guess we'll eventually add it back. Like I said, right now we're all getting the hang of it and just trying to remember to use it!

Parenting is tough and humbling and one big learning process, so please pray for us as we seek to do what's best for our sweet (he really is most of the time) little man.